


Remember me

by Cosmic_Spaceship



Category: Persona 5, Persona Series
Genre: Akechi Goro-centric, Angst, Character Study, Gen
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-16
Updated: 2021-01-16
Packaged: 2021-03-14 07:56:04
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,949
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28792068
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cosmic_Spaceship/pseuds/Cosmic_Spaceship
Summary: Was it fate or misfortune? For him to lose everything. For him to be forgotten. For him to be alone.(An extensive look at Akechi's viewpoint by me.)
Relationships: Akechi Goro & Persona 5 Protagonist
Kudos: 5





	Remember me

Akechi doesn’t really remember much of a time with his mother.

She was always absent, leaving him in bathhouses or in an empty apartment when she’s busy with a client. Sometimes she’d be lucky to keep him in her clients home whenever they were out, if the client allows it, that is. That was her life in the Red light district, and so was it Akechi’s. But it wasn’t always like this.

He remembered her blood-red eyes that always looked at him, tired and forlorn. He remembered fleeting touches and a soft-spoken voice that told him of wariness and pain. He remembered the way she would hug him, edged with a sort of desperation that wouldn’t usually be picked up by a child. But he did. The small amounts of time she had with him were always filled with love…and remorse.

And yet he could barely remember what she looked like, what she sounded like. Instead, it was obscured by red. Red on his hands. Red on her wrists. Red on the floor. The same red that made up what was once the eyes of a loving mother, now lifeless. Gone.

But they had always been lifeless for as long as Akechi could remember.

The only thing his mother had left him with were scattered memories and of rage so deep it was all that he knew. Yet what was one to do with this festering anger, resentment for the man who had left them forgotten, by him and by the world. Who left his mother for dead.

Surrounded by the familiar cloying heat he had grown accustomed to over the years, Akechi leaned further back into the steaming water. Across from him, Akira stared back at him with a thoughtful frown, not pitying in any way. Akechi wasn’t sure why he had said what he said, and yet as he told of his mother he felt nothing but detached. Cold and distant in his retelling.

However, the small flare of hatred seeped in as he spoke of his father. He made sure to keep it short and simple and the boy in front of him just hummed in reply, a silent message that he understood. Akechi didn’t know the feeling that simmered in the pit of his stomach, warm and unfamiliar, leaving him unsure as to whether he liked it or not.

Akechi let out a light laugh. “Sorry I didn’t mean for our conversation to get so depressing. Actually, are you alright? I know the hot water can make people dizzy…”

But in his attempt at changing the subject, he couldn’t help but gaze back at the messy-haired teen, how his steel eyes held faint concern.

“Are you ok?”

The feeling now grew into something erratic, a clawing heat that seemed almost suffocating. Akechi knew that those words weren’t meant for his recent question, the double meaning behind it rang clear despite how quiet the voice was, muffled amongst the steam. A concern that was clearly aimed at him.

He was terrified of it.

“Oh I’m just getting warmed up. Don’t go overheating now. I wouldn’t want you to collapse on my account. Would I?” A soft chuckle and a bright smile. Akechi remained calm, nevertheless.

All he can do was deflect and be fine. To avoid the gaze that felt piercing despite its calm demeanour, to avoid whatever feeling that bubbled harshly, foreign and unrecognisable yet so so warm.

_(A part of him will always wish for someone to understand.)_

~~~

Guilt, Akechi realised, was something he no longer felt recently.

He faintly remembered his first task, ordered by Shido himself, to take down a few scientists, those who did research on the Cognitive Psience, or in other words the world he was able to access. He was never told of what would happen when he killed the target’s cognitive selves, still new to the power he had just gained. But he couldn’t bring himself to care, not when it meant gaining Shido’s trust, and that was what he needed if he wanted to break that man.

It wasn’t long before the result of his actions were presented to him.

He recalled how his stomach dropped at the news. Suicide. A car accident. One drowned in their bathtub and another fell from high grounds, they were the cause of his actions. And yet Shido just gave a pat on the shoulder. A compliment tied with a threat gave him the impression that he knew this would be the result from the start. Akechi was quick to realise that he could not escape from what he had done, he no longer had a choice.

If he had to kill to reach Shido than so be it. He will not destroy the only chance he has for revenge.

_(He will not acknowledge the sudden warmth he felt from the compliment or the hand that remained a pleasant weight on his shoulder. He hates that man and that will not change.)_

Yet as he sat in his apartment staring at the interview broadcasted live on TV, he felt nothing as the one speaking, a CEO of a foods company, suddenly gurgled on black blood, dripping from his lips to his chin. The same went for his eyes, his ears and nose, all dripping in muddy brown and black before the man collapsed.

It was all he needed to see to know that this man was dead.

Akechi closed the TV. Now with the knowledge that the phantom thieves’ target was eliminated, he did nothing but made his way to the kitchen to make lunch. All he needed to do was wait until the news settled, put the phantom thieves at a very low standing amongst society and finally make his move.

~~~

It was the silent nights that had him thinking.

It was those nights he thought about his progress and of the phantom thieves, of his goals and where he stands in it all. But these nights often stretched for long hours, endless, and so much easier for the mind to wonder.

He ended up delving deeper into topics that usually remain untouched, constantly interrupted by the tasks and orders, of his role as both detective and hitman, and the monotone necessities to live as a normal teenager by public standards.

Yet once these distractions were removed, he couldn’t escape the intrusive thoughts of ‘what if’s’ that had him mentally exhausted. It left him reeling more often than not, because he was so far into his goal, so sure that he’ll reach it, that he couldn’t help but see alternatives. A small part of him yearned for them, although he was able to squash down the useless feeling, even if it became harder and harder to do so.

They were becoming a normal occurrence lately.

He doesn’t know why his actions started matter now of all times. So close to the end that he could almost see it within his grasp. It just cements the idea that Joker needed to be gone, that his pathetic ragtag team should be eliminated as they were the one thing between him and his revenge.

But doubt was an unfamiliar feeling. The things he hadn’t had given to him. The views he hadn’t seen, tearing apart his very own ideology of how this world works. Because for a teen whose normal was vengeance and rage, he had never thought he’ll see something outside of his goal, of friends and of an average life, so easily attainable yet so far from his reach. His world expanding slightly by glimpses of experiences that clashed with his own understanding of the world.

Akira and his friends made it so much harder not to question his whole purpose.

Right and wrong had long been blurred, Akechi wondered if this will change anything despite the doubt that continues to weigh his cluttered mind.

He still couldn’t bring himself to feel remorse for those he had killed. For the lives he had ruined. Why must he reach for things he never deserved to have in the first place?

As much as he hated to admit it, he had always admired how Joker could continue on despite his own adversities. He never could understand Joker and his willingness to push aside his resentment for the greater good.

He hated him for it.

_(Why can’t he do the same? Why can’t he let go of this rage? Why can’t he be free?)_

Because at the end of the day the phantom thieves would be gone. Joker would be gone. And Akechi would bring them down by his hand.

That was how things were meant to be.

~~~

“What do you think will happen if one dies in mementos? Or in a palace?”

It was a question he thought about from time to time, with how risky Akechi’s job was, traversing the cognitive world alone to kill. But as he came to join the group, or well forced himself into the group, he had learned many things that he never knew. Maybe that was what stirred Akechi to ask such a question because, despite his apparent plan to take down Akira and his team, he came to enjoy their talks. Often times seeking him for company if he had the time, even if that time was used to gain Akira’s trust as a suspected Phantom thief.

_(He will not admit that most of the times were spent with him was because for the longest of times he had always wanted a friend, and thus he would cherish what little time they had together.)_

Akira looked up from his perch on the counter holding his own brew in his hands while Akechi remained seated in his usual spot in the booth. It was late, the cafe having closed down some time ago with the owner leaving the cafe to the teen. Said teen tilted his head at the question, curious.

“Well, if one’s cognitive self dies then they’ll have a mental breakdown, but I guess we don’t have a cognitive version of ourselves since we have personas.”

This caused Akechi to perk up a bit at the information. Although he had an idea that this was the case, having spoken their names in the metanav yet yielding no result or hit, it was a confirmation coming from the black-haired teen considering that he knew more than the research or Akechi’s own experimentations and theories had to show.

“But the mementos and palace are all part of the metaverse, a place that is created by everyone’s collective subconscious.” A pause. “A place between mind and matter.”

Akira shook his head before continuing.

“It wouldn’t be far fetched that if we are killed, we could in a way basically remove ourselves from people’s subconscious. We could end up being forgotten.”

And wasn’t that relatable in every sense of the word. Akira took a sip and sighed.

“Still, that is a theory. I never really thought about what would happen if we die there…”

“I guess that does make sense.”

Akechi swirled the remaining coffee before taking his last sip, growing lost in thought.

He thought it would be cruel to kill anyone in the metaverse. For he knew what it was like to be forgotten by the world, had seen his mother disappear with only him to prove of her existence. He does not want to die yet, not when he still clung to the memories of his mother, not when he was the only way to keep her from being nonexistent. Gone.

He will give Akira the mercy to die unforgotten. That was the most he could do.

“I’d like another cup if you will.”

**Author's Note:**

> This is me trying to understand Akechi...and failing lol. Akechi is too interesting and I need to learn how to write characters so this is kinda a learning experience for me. 
> 
> Still, I gotta write my angst lol.


End file.
